| just say "when" and you'll stop the pain, of your life, bring it to an end |
[20 Jun 2004|11:25am] |
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The Lost Prophets concert is on the 17th! Marianne and I are going and it's going to be SO much fun. It'll definitely make up for me missing A Perfect Circle. If you're going or want to go hit me up. I've got room for two in my car. :)
Father's day. What does this day mean to me? It doesn't mean shit. I WISH I knew my dad. I WISH I knew what he looks like or even what his voice sounded like. I'm still not even sure what happened. I just know my mother took me away from him when I was born. I wonder everyday what it'd be like to have a father instead of some creep who pretends like he is my dad. He doesn't get it, I don't want him to act like he is. I don't want him to be my dad. I want MY dad. I can't tell you how many dreams i've had of "my dad" or even flashbacks involving him where I didn't see his face, I only saw his eyes. All I ever wanted is someone to call my family, whom I wouldn't be ashamed of. Someone who'd actually care for me. I'm sick of being the parent, i'm sick of taking care of everyone but myself.
Poppy yelled at me a few days ago. He got on to me about everything.... the smallest things. My room being just the slightest bit out of line. My room is usually SPOTLESS. Can I not have a break every now and then? Besides, I had friends over the past few weeks, of course it's not going to be spotless.
He doesn't seem to care that I passed my classes, he just bitched about my not getting all A's and B's. He doesn't even care to see how much my grades have come up since I moved in here.
Why do I feel like i'm back in the old house? Even though it's not even extreme. It's just like he never has anything positive to say to me. I remember the other day Ryan had come over and he's like "but don't you have a bf?" Inferring that I was a slut or some shit. Yea, you make me feel great Poppy, if only you know how much of a SLUT I was.... cause i'm not, at all. I can't say that I love you when you do this to me.
Oh wait, what about the other day when he was like "You're starting to get a tummy." Do I have to be stick fucking skinny for you to be happy? How about I look out for myself seeing as of how you're not the smallest person in the world. I really don't think he understands my medical condition either. I started losing weight again.... I need to set up a doctors appointment.
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| it looks as though you're letting go |
[18 Jun 2004|12:13am] |
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When my head hits the pillow after typing this.... i'ma be knocked the fuck out. Renee needs sleep. Renee hasn't gotten that much sleep in a week due to various events. For example: Marianne & I randomly waking up around 8AM the other day. Or how about Nikki having a dream that she was mad at me so she turns in her sleep and pretty much BITCH smacks me. Shit dude. I literally slept on the floor for a good bit.
Today was it. Saturday he leaves for four weeks in Alabama at his dad's house. I'm going to miss him a good bit. We've been catching up with so much lately and we've practically spent everyday together. Chris Henning called him this morning. I found it a bit amusing when Chris spoke of what he did. The phone call pretty much went like this...
Chris H: Hey man, what're you doing today?
Chris K: I'm spending the day with Renee since I leave on Saturday.
Chris H: Forget you, come hang out with your friends.
Chris K: But I enjoy being around her.
Chris H: You're whipped. *click*
He left me with his hoodie and the No Doubts Tragic Kingdom cd. He knew how much I missed that cd so he's lending it to me to burn. wOOt. He took my hair thingy with him for while he's in Alabama, i'm sure Chris will have some input on that. *rolls eyes* Why do I feel as if there's a third person in the relationship? Oh I know... let's use this phone call as an example.
*Marianne looks at cell phone*
Mari: Renee.... Chris called twice but I didn't hear my cell phone.
*I call his house*
Renee: Did you call Mari's cell?
Chris K: No, Chris keeps fucking calling.
Renee: Why is he being so retarded?
*Chris H gets on phone*
Chris H: Can I come with ya'll later?
*Chris K in the background yelling no*
Renee: Uh... I hear Chris yelling no.... so that'd be a no.
Renee: Why would you wanna come anyways?
*At this point Chris H was annoying me so I hung up on him*
Nikki: Damn, I knew his voice sounded different when he called me looking for you...
*Chris K calls me 10 minutes late*
Chris K: I'm ready now. Sorry about that, I was waiting for big Chris to leave so he'd shut the hell up.
Renee: Thank you. taha.
Is Chris really that fucking pitiful? We won't even get into what he was asking Chris the other day. Wow, I probably just totally confused ya'll. Let's replace Chris H with fuckhead. :) So fuckhead is pretty much pissed because Chris has a gf now and fuckhead only annoys Chris to begin with. :O
Everyone should ask Stephanie about her lovely run in with fuckhead! rofl. Poor chic, i'm sure you were scared of life. :(
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| with one hand high you'lll show them your progress |
[17 Jun 2004|12:47pm] |
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I love this song, no matter how depressing it is. <3
I've started my life over for the third time this year. I actually feel as if i'm on the right track this time though. I have the greatest friends right now, not one of them brings me down and they're ALWAYS there for me. I'm satisfied with who I am and i'm not scared of what i'm going to be. I know that my will is strong enough to keep my feet on the ground and my head on my shoulders. My parents don't seem to bother me as much anymore which is always good cause now i'm always smiling.
Speaking of which. As I said, we went to my dad's house yesterday or was it the day before? Whatever... not the point. He's been working... he actually got a fucking job? Yes, it's amazing. He saved up enough money to buy a car and he's working on getting my college money back. I wanted to fucking cry. When I found out that mom had drained the bank account which held my money for college I just kinda gave up. It was like "Well, I don't have money for college, it looks as if i'm not going." I just stopped caring about my grades and focused on everything else around me. Everyone always wondered why I didn't give my full potential like I use to. I went from being a straight A student to be a C average student. Yea, this year is going to be different. It's a miracle in the making. Is he finally seeing how I feel about everything?
The beach trip with Katie got fucked up. No vacation for Renee this year. =\ This bloooooooooooows. We're trying so hard to figure out something but I don't think it's going to work. I went to the hotels I had bookmarked and now they're all booked full for the time that we were planning. Now that my knee is better we can go any time we want. I can almost walk without a limp. It still hurts a bit to bend it certain ways but eh, whatever. Who's up for a bon fire and the burning of the brace!!!!??? *grins*
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| i'm not crazy cause I take the right pills everyday |
[16 Jun 2004|09:02pm] |
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This summer is going to be one that i'll NEVER forget. :)
Everyone has filled my days full of memories to brighten this smile. All of you around me seem to make the most depressed child as happy as can be. I thank everyone of you and I promise there are many more days to come. <3
YESTERDAY I hung out with Mari, Nikki, & of course Chris. We're a really spunky group... full of laughs. I picked everyone up and we headed to Burke Street for the usual pizza run. We were the only ones in the resturaunt when they called our number, everyone was just looking at each other while Mari & I looked at Chris and Nikki since they were on the ends. So we're just sitting there for awhile waiting for someone to get up and Chris goes "Oh, that's us?" He got our cheese bread and came back... we're sitting there awaiting our pizza again. Our number is called and Chris goes "That has to be us this time!" rofl. That was great. We're just like "Yea, Chris, we are the only ones IN the resturaunt aren't we?"
We went to my dad's house and walked my dog since i'm not that much of a gimp anymore. I got the other power surge of him since i'm in dear need of plugs in my room. He kept talking about some rat in the basement so Marianne was freaking out when I asked her if she wanted my old boots. As she was stepping in Chris was like "Well, the rat might not be in there, but what about it's babies?" I've never seen anyone run so fast.... My dad kept pestering us and asking how Chris could hang out with "three crazy women". It really bothers me when he calls me his daughter now... more than it ever has. I'm not his daughter by birth.
I took Nikki home after awhile and we headed to Marianne's house to watch a movie. While I took Chris home Zach had finally shown up. I was freaking out the whole way back to her house since I left my license at her house and I don't have my after nine yet. It ended up that Zach feel asleep while he was still on the phone. haha Poor boy, he was sick as a dog last night. He was over till about 3 or 4AM. I don't really remember much. Just the whole LJ drama that was going on and making plans for today.
TODAY We woke up and came here so I could shower and change clothes before heading out to visit Wyt. I picked up Nikki and we headed to his house where he awaited with the present he got me from NY. He bought me some really yummy chocolate and we all sat around talking about the most random crap. It's great being able to see that kid every now and then. He means so much to me as a friend. As we were leaving Chris called and said he was ready to be picked up. Chris Henning kept calling from his house bugging the crap out of me all day asking if he could come while Chris was in the background yelling no. rofl. That was the highlight of my day. Yet again we made a stop at Starbucks, Chik-fil-a, and then to Marianne's house to watch a movie. Zach came over not too long after we arrived. Chris ended up passing out while we were watching "The count of Monte Cristo" I started laughing for some reason, probably because of Nikki. *shrugs* But I like vibrated the couch and he woke up, I felt kinda bad, he hasn't slept much lately.
We'll see what tomorrow brings... but so far i'm in bliss and NOTHING could ruin this moment. Summer is MY time. :) AND! I haven't had any flashbacks in like two weeks! wOOt.
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| your halos slippin down |
[14 Jun 2004|11:02pm] |
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My god I haven't updated in awhile. I think i'm NOT going to make this friends only but i'll continue with the friends cut. Several entries WILL be friends only though.
I have a new aim sn "antisixteenth" because "driftedx" was hacked into and I can't get it back. The notorious "xxpx" hacked into the backdoor of my computer. He downloaded viruses, turned on my webcam, hacked several of my passwords, & deleted a bunch of files. He had a server set up under my AIM folder so I deleted it when I found it. I'm just glad he didn't attempt to hack my domain again.
Nikki is spending the night for the second night in a row now. We were hanging out with Chris earlier. It was wonderful times. :)
Chris asked me out. He still liked me after all this time. Crazy eh? Yet he finally wasn't too nervous to ask me out. haha Unfortunately he leaves for Alabama in 5 days and will be staying there with his father for 4 weeks. BAH! Oh well. He's coming back. :)
I think I retore my ligaments. Scratch that. I did.
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| it makes you wonder "why not?" |
[13 Jun 2004|12:20am] |
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So i've definately refucked up my knee. JUST great. Like a dumbass I took off my knee brace too soon. I couldn't help it, I was so sick of being in this house, I needed some kind of contact with the outside world. *sigh*
Let's break the past few days down since they've been oh so wonderful and I can't help but to smile when i'm with the people I love.
THURSDAY: [Operation: Blind Date] Katie came over and we dyed my hair "Chocolate Velvet". I liked it but it was a bit too dark for my taste. While out shopping for the dye she informs me that a blind date has been set up for the night. Great? We dye my hair and head to TGI Friday's to meet up with the guys (Chris & David). They ended up being really cool guys so we went with them back to Chris's house to watch a movie. On the way to his house he picked up his four wheeler from a friends house. It was BEAST! It burned his civic & not to mention Katie's Jetta. There's no way in hell he didn't hook that up. I was freaking out a bit when I saw him pop a wheelie and almost run into a mail box but he had control. The rest of the night was basically us hanging out with them and this couple.
FRIDAY: [Operation: Fuck The Knee] I so took the brace off even though I wasn't suppose to. I was seriously getting to the point of where I felt like I was in a NUT HOUSE. I picked up Marianne since I was now able to drive and we picked up Stephanie to come back here. We dyed my hair blonde but it came out a lighter brown. I was actually aiming to bleach it so we could put in this dye I had boughten earlier but I ended up liking the color. *wOOt* We met up with Ryan, headed to borders, went to burke street pizza, to shaffner park, sherwood elementary, & Marianne's house where Stephanie, Marianne, & I crashed. Ryan left around 1:00AM while we were up for a few more hours.
SATURDAY: [Operation: Run Around] Chris and I headed to the pool around 3:00PM. We decided it sucked so we left within that hour of arriving. We came back here for a few games of pool and to hang out a bit. I left Kill Bill over at Marianne's house so I went to get it back.... Marianne and Zach followed us to Blockbuster and we headed to Starbucks afterwards. Twas good times. We came back here to chill for awhile and headed to shaffner park for the second row in a night. Unfortunately there was an overcast and not much to see so we took Chris home and headed to Marianne's house. We left around 11:30PM to get me back in before curfew.
My knee has been "popping" aka you can hear my fucking ligaments tear when I move my knee where it shouldn't go. It's about the same size it was when I first fucked it up. I should probably go back to the doctors and get it looked at, but do you think i'm going to listen? No. Instead i'm sitting my ass here in pain thinking about the impossible. Is my decision smart? Fuck no. rofl. I miss my darvocet... =( Make the pain stoooooop.
I'm beginning to wonder why we didn't get together the first time. What really stopped us? I knowing i'm only imagening the impossible... there's so much involved right now. I'm still totally inlove with Justin, even after what all he has done to me. I'm so affraid of being in another relationship. I hate being lied to and I hate getting my trust fucked up. I'm affraid of making him feel uncomfortable too... argh.
Would someone like to hand me a ticket to "One free pass to a day in the easy life". =\ I'm content with my life right now. I'm still a bit fucked up emotionally due to recent events of sexual harrassment, "friends", & my knee is killing me, but all else is well.
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| closing the chapter to a never ending nightmare |
[08 Jun 2004|11:58am] |
UPDATE
The following lj users have been deleted from my friends list until I get some kind of response that you'd wish to stay.
9pm, _99redballoons, ___tragedy, __smile, _faultlines, _shesadevotchka, _shonenknife, _stellarific, driveindriveout, emog33k, heart__throb, kbai, kiwimadi, mr_oogie_boogie, muffinofsugar, p1nknecktie, sublimespirit, surf_lost, & thisemptynight
Now for the users below, you'll never be on my friends list again. :D
_belleza, iamfrisbee, im_my_own_bitch
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[06 Jun 2004|02:48pm] |
FRIENDS ONLY
As of 06/06/2004 this journal is friends only. =)
I'm also doing a friends cut so comment and you'll stay, if not, you're off.
Comment to be added.
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| you're my wonder wall |
[05 Jun 2004|03:21pm] |
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Renee is pissed. Renee just wrote the longest fucking entry about her best friends and what happens.... LIVE JOURANL IS A BITCH! jkajkgak Fuck this. I'm sticking with my site. Christ on a crack man! Yes, you heard me right.
I'm debating on weither to get a new aim sn or not...
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| Never To Be Forgotten |
[02 Jun 2004|12:05pm] |
I hung out with my two numero uno homies all yesterday. Drew also stopped in for a few games of pool. He was on my team, we won both games. haha But yea, the day was incredible. We played pool, went to eat at Mi pueblo, then to borders, tjmaxx, and back here for some more pool. By the end up the night we all ended up in my bed cuddled up just talking about everything. I've got PLUNTY of pictures for you guys. ( N.T.B.F. day out ) |
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| she walked away from me again |
[28 May 2004|07:11am] |
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I thought I had mentioned it but I guess not. Anyways, i'm not moving anymore. Long story that I don't have time to type up. LAST DAY OF SCHOOL!
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| hospital child strikes again |
[23 May 2004|11:36pm] |
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Today was crazy. This whole week has been, but i'm going to explain little bits and pieces.
Friday wasn't that exciting. Mari, Justin, Brandon, and Zach came over. Wait, actually we went to the show at Ziggys. Haha Totally forgot about that. *Drugs kill.... Ahh how I love..Darvocet... explained in a second.* I still have the decapitated mouse which I turned into my mirror thingy. Bwahaha. I saw Mitch, Mike, Charlie, Kevin, Drew, and Tori there. Twas great to see them. Charlie's adorable when he's on stage, let me tell ya. haha He's always so nervous so he kept looking at me and i'd just laugh at him and scream his name... I think he did much better than the last time.
Saturday Mari was still over and we went shopping. She left. I went shopping with Jairus. Dropped him off at borders and Zach and Brandon called wanting to go to the movie. Mari, Zach, Brandon, and I went to see Shrek 2. I feel kinda bad though, I think they actually thought we were on a date. It was really fucking weird, I didn't like that. We went to Walmart before the movies where we ran into Sam... whom we ran into the night before. The creepy part is that I was all like "Dude, it'd be so weird if they end up going to the movies" BOOM! Guess who ends up at the movies? Yea.. The rest of the night sucked.. long story.
OKAY! Now for today, my favorite part. The day started out with Katie and I running all over the place to find me summer clothes. We then picked up Marianne and went to frisbee. At frisbee, I had made several great catches... one of which sent me to the hospital. lol So I was running to get the frisbee after Justin's dad had thrown it to me and some guy just kinda clipped me in the air. Like what usually happens... I hit on the ground pretty hard but still had the frisbee. I rolled over and just clinged to my knee in pain. Everyone thought I was going to get up, they know how I am when it comes to pain, but not this time. Katie immediately took me to the hospital where we waited in the waiting room for hours on end. Max had brought my medical papers because I couldn't get in touch with anyone else. While Katie, Mari, and I were waiting I wasn't allowed to eat or drink. I have no idea why.. so Katie decided she was going to drink it... in which she poured it all over herself and made remarks like "AHH MY PUSSY IS WET!" Let me tell you... if you ever go to the hospital and need amusement, make sure to go with Katie and Mari. lol As we're waiting on my xrays to come through we were out in the hall and I was just sitting around in the wheel chair... Katie starts listening into the room we're parked infront of and they're all talking about god so she was like "well damn you should hear what me and my girlfriend did LAST night" and I was like "well damn, when you undressed me in the backseat of my car today, that was hot" lol Yet again... long story. It's really not as it sounds. lol But I ended up tearing ligaments in my knee so I have a brace that extends from my thigh down to the bottom of my shin. I won't be able to drive for 3-6 weeks and I'm on crutches at the moment. But hey.. as Max said "Atleast you caught the frisbee!" lol Evidently i'm now Justin's "mini me" Fucker... *growls*
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| 7 days |
[21 May 2004|07:17am] |
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I need everyone's address before I move so I can write you while i'm there. Yes, the move is permanent. No, I will not be able to get online. No, I will not be able to recieve or make phone calls. I won't be able to talk... literally. If you want to know exactly what is going on, ask, if i'm in the mood, i'll tell you. But for warning... it's not a happy story.
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| survey says.... |
[19 May 2004|03:15pm] |
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UNIQUE --
1. Nervous Habits? - Bitting my cheek, chattering, and tapping stuff.... specially when I bounce my leg... lol
2. Are you double jointed? - no
3. Can you roll your tongue? - yep
4. Can you raise one eyebrow at a time? - yep
5. Can you blow spit bubbles? - no
6. Can you cross your eyes? - yep
7. Tattoos? - no
8. Piercings?- ears
9. Do you make your bed daily? - no
-- CLOTHES --
10. Which shoe goes on first? - Uh left I think
11. Speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at anyone? lol Yea..
12. On the average, how much money do you carry in your purse/wallet? I usually have around $100-$200 depending on the time.
13. What jewelry do you wear 24/7? My necklace Molli made me and my 859389862 bracelets. Oh, my white specialrific earrings and my ear clip.
14. Favorite piece of clothing? - My etnies shoes.... rip. haha
-- FOOD --
15. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? - both
16. Have you ever eaten Spam? - no
17. Favorite ice cream flavor? - sundae cone crunch
18. How many cereals in your cabinet? 5
19. What's your favourite beverage? simply clear... strawberry *DONT KILL ME* lol I know a few people are going to be all like "but dude you break out"
20. What's your favorite restaurant? Mi Pueblo
21. Do you cook? Yup
-- GROOMING --
22. How often do you brush your teeth? Every morning and night
23. Hair drying method? Blown Straight
24. Have you ever colored/highlighted your hair? Yep
-- MANNERS --
25. Do you swear? All the time, bad habbit.
26. Do you ever spit? Who doesn't?
-- WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE --
27. Animal?- Monkey
28. Food?- Terriyaki Chicken
29. Month?- October
30. Day?- Friday
31. Cartoon?- Clone High
32. Shoe Brand?- Etnies
33. Subject in school?- Dance
34. Color?- Purple or Light pastel lime green.
35. Sport?- Baseball
36. TV show?- none.
37. Thing to do in the spring? Picnic in the park!
38. Thing to do in the summer? Swimming with some friends and having everyone over til ungodly hours.
39. Thing to do in the fall? Walk in the park.
40. Thing to do in the winter? Ghetto Snowboard.
-- IN AND AROUND --
41. The CD player? 60 cds that I am not listing.
42. Person you talk most on the phone with? Katie or Ryan
43. Ever taken a cab? Yep
44. Do you regularly check yourself out in store windows and mirrors?- lol no
45. What color is your bedroom?- Offwhite
46. Do you use an alarm clock? Unfortunately
47. Window seat or aisle? Aisle
-- LA LA LAND --
48. What's your sleeping position? Curled up in a ball cuddle by blankets... sad part... I usually get stuck.
49. Even in hot weather do you use a blanket?- Depends... if i'm scared or not... don't ask.
50. Do you snore?- no
51. Do you sleepwalk?- I have before
52. Do you talk in your sleep?- I have before
53. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? They're back at the house... but I always sleep with a blanket or hoodie
54. How about with the light on?- No.. pitch black.
55. Do you fall asleep with the TV or radio on?- No
Timeless fun...
Without looking at the clock, what time is it?: 3:27?
Ha. Now look. What time is it really?: 3:24
What year were you born?: 1988
What month?: march
Day?: 26th
By any chance would you know the weekday? (Monday, Tueday, ect.): No seeing as of how my mom didn't tell me shit.
So, because people are dumbasses, and can't tell, how old are you?: 16
All about the rich, sultry gorgeous you....
What's your full name?: Ashley Renee Schoening
List all of your nicknames: That'd take too long and there are way too many that are... yea.
What is your dumbest kid nickname?: ?
What's the nickname you pretend to be embarrassed by, but secretly like?: Ummm...
And what's your favorite nickname?: Rae
Where do you live?: Winston-Salem
Family fun...
How many brothers do you have?: 3... 2 unknown
Sisters?: 1
Do you have any stepsiblings or half-siblings, and if so, who?: all of those above
Who do you get along with best in your family?: brother
Who's easiest to talk to?: no one..
Have you ever been on a family vacation, and if so, what was it?: rofl... the beach trip from hell
Stuff to wake you up!
How about them drugs?: no
Alcohol?: no
Pot?: no
Cigarettes?: ick
Anything else?: ....
Have you ever kissed someone romantically?: no... okay wtf is this? lol of course.
Have you ever made out with someone?: yep
Are you a virgin?: of course
How do you define virgin?: "whennn daddy washes his car in mommies garage" - that was great josh. i'm keeping that there
If you are, then how far have you gone?: not your business
What's the most interesting place you've hooked up?: .....
Have you ever sold drugs?: no
Have you ever been paid for sexual favors?: no
Do you know anyone who has?: lol...
Friends, I love you so...
Do you have a lot of friends?: yep
Which friend is the funniest?: Wyt
Which friend is the most arrogant?: Alexis
Which friend is the sweetest?: Corbett or Mari
Who would you eat first if you were stranded on an island?: rofl... but that wouldn't happen.
Would you...
Have sex with a gender you're NOT attracted to, if no-one knew?: hell fizzuck no
Want to erase your memory of any people or memories in particular?: yea
Ever go on the Atkin's diet?: only if it was to gain weight.
Work for the Bush administration?: LOL
Get a sex-change operation?: ... okay these questions are just freaking me out.
Dress up as the opposite sex, just for fun?: cross dress day!!! okay so i've never done it.
Shoot up?: no.
Cut yourself? (Please say no): I laugh at you. Down the road, not across the street.
Play D&D?: hehehe..
Videotape you having sex? (or making out, if that makes you *blush*): omg wtf
Your preferences...
What sex(es) are you attracted to?: guys
What age would you like your next lover to be?: ....
Do you currently have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: nope
Well, are you seeing somebody who's not your boyfriend/girlfriend?: no
How far would you go on a first date?: no where, ho.
When was the last time you....
Said a word? (Last word you said): "ahhh shit"
Cursed? (which curse?): ^ lol... that's sad. ;x
Kissed someone (friendly) and who?: How the.... okay... wtf? Jo kissed me on the cheek today though... kinda scared me for a bit though.. lol.
Hugged someone? (and who?): Today and it twas Ryan! Yay!
Cried?: Yesterday.
Made out? Rewind a bit.
Had sex? ....
Went to the bathroom?: Idk..
Drove or got driven in a car?: Today
Slept and didn't feel tired the next morning?: I haven't gotten much sleep.
In the past month, have you...
made out?: Yep
been on a date?: Yep
drank alcohol?: No
smoked cigarettes?: No
smoked marijuana?: No
had sex?: No
hugged someone?: Yea
cried?: Yea
gotten a cold?: No
threw up?: Kinda..
had a hangover?: No
passed out?: Yep
dyed your hair?: Nope
Died. If you read Shakespeare, you know what that means.: I dislike shakespeare.. try edgar allen poe.
Last part. Random OTHER thoughts...
Which is better: Winnie the Pooh or Ernie and Bert?: This is like a little kiddys question... fuck that shit. Move on to fraggle rock! haha
Do you like the Spice Girls? Did you ever like them? I wanna I wanna.... NO. lol Use to... lol Holy shit I wanted to be ginger... and wasn't she like the really big whorey one too? *rolls eyes* Leave it to me to want to be a whore. hahaha
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| words that kill |
[19 May 2004|07:27am] |
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I went to Justin's house yesterday with Caitlin... we're going to be friends... again. He apologized for yelling at me this weekend. I thought maybe I had done the right thing last night but now I feel so... idk, my stomach is just like "NO RENEE YOU'RE A BAD PERSON FOR DOING THAT!" I guess we'll never know though? I'm still hidden in the shadows.
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| sweet sweet misery |
[17 May 2004|08:29pm] |
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If this is how it's going to be. Two can play at that game. Bring it you dick. ;) :D
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| When the sun comes out, will the rain wash away? |
[16 May 2004|09:06pm] |
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Justin and I got into a huge fight last night. And today. I really don't understand anything that's going on. I want to be friends. But I fucked up, he doesn't deserve me as a friend. He'll never be happy knowing me. It hurts so much knowing that I should let go, but I can't. I love him so much. Not to mention he's my best friend and I trust him more than anyone. I've been so shitty to him. I haven't been a friend. I haven't been anything. I regret meeting him, I regret putting him through pain, I regret making him think what he's thinking, & I regret being with him ever. I'm always going to remember what we had. We had such a strong relationship for the short period of time we were together. I miss it and I always will. He treated me so well but in return I gave him nothing. And it hurts me so much knowing that's how he feels about everything. But NOTHING can change that. He hates me now and doesn't even want to talk to me. :,(
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| bleh |
[16 May 2004|01:40am] |
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Chris apologized for lying to me, I feel much better now.
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